Do it anyway

I say: I'm scared; He says: Do it anyway. I say: I might get dirty; He says: Do it anyway. I say: I don't know how; He says: I'll show you. I ask: What do I get out of it? He says: It's for My glory. 

 Today, I will be choosing to do it anyway.

Relating...

I seem to relate so well to David (of Biblical fame!).  I can definitely understand the ups and downs of his emotions.  What a blessing to be able to follow him and his life through Scripture!  One thing I can attest to is that God is never boring.  Never bland.  Never so-so.  I may go through periods where I am, but He never fails to be amazing.


I just finished a book by Gary Thomas (one of my favorite authors!!) called "Thirsting for God".  It is one incredible read!  It is such great encouragement and refreshment for this walk with the Lord that I am on.  I highly recommend it.


Now I am beginning a Beth Moore study that will take me through the summer.  It is her "Breaking Free" study.  I am ambivalent as I have just been wading through a time of intense faith scrutiny and this promises to be every bit as intense.  But I trust the Author, the author, and the ladies who will be joining me in this.


More later on our first lesson but for now, blessings to you! 

It seems like so long, and yet I know it hasn't been!  I've been in my own mind for so many days lately, pretty sure I don't even know where to begin.

It feels like I'm in a resting state except that I feel numb and unmoved by things.  And I am still a bit antsy.  Waiting for that next thing?  Just weary?  Unable to focus?  Not sure what to call it or what this place is...more desert perhaps?  Just the empty kind?

I was considering how just a very few days ago, I was feeling so awful, my heart was hurting deeply and my soul was longing for some relief.  I felt the presence of the Lord so strong near me.  I know He isn't gone now.  I can just no longer rely on how I feel.

Consider our spiritual feelings the way we check the daily weather forecast.  The weather can make our work more pleasant or more difficult, but it should never define our task.  Likewise, feelings may make our spiritual lives easier or harder, but they should never direct our devotion.

We must avoid the trap of equating good worship with good feelings.

                                                                                                               Gary Thomas Thirsting for God


I also find it interesting that at one point I was almost desiring the suffering to this....apathy.  One thing is for sure, the suffering sure kept me close to the Lord.  Now, the part of the lesson that must be learned, to continue to seek Him when I don't feel Him and even when I am weary.


The flux of emotions is continual causing me to learn to navigate them.  They will not cease and they must not dictate who I am and how I respond.  This is where the necessity of habits and rituals are so critically valuable.  When I am constant in my seeking of the Lord, when I continue in His Word and follow after Him, rather than just sit in the middle of the path, I am learning to not rely on only my feelings.  He is so good to allow us the "experience" of His joy and presence but real faith comes in knowing and trusting that He is there even when we don't feel that He is.

What an awesome God we serve!

Sing to the LORD, all the earth;

proclaim His salvation day after day.

Declare His glory among the nations,

His marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;

He is to be feared above all gods.

1 Chronicles 16:23-25

Sowing Tears

My grief is not permanent.  I will not live all of the rest of my life feeling as though I am always on the verge of tears.  My soul will not always feel downcast.  My heart will not always feel the intensity of the brokenness.


While I am learning joy amidst the pain, God is glorified.  When I learn to respond despite my feelings, God is glorified.  When I am able to be still and listen, to wait for God, God is glorified.  When He brings me to my knees, weeping, pleading, begging, releasing, He is glorified.


There are many things in my life that are wonderful.  And when I look back at this time, I find it to be most profitable.  This "sorrow" is good to have.  It brings me to Him.  I find my strength in Him.  I learn more about the me He wants me to become.  My hope is increasing, my hurt is teaching.   I find my heart to be more in line with His.  What hurts Him, hurts me.  Grieves me, even.


I can't divulge all that is a trial to me at this time, but suffice it to say that we all have and will experience times in our lives that are difficult.  The details are just the personal aspect.  Just as God communicates with us on a very deep and personal level, our trials will resonate within our hearts at very deep and personal levels as well.  We do find solace in the knowledge that others may have encountered what we are experiencing, and that God has been their Rock and Redeemer.  We rest on His promises that give us hope.  His promises encourage us to press on.


We accept the deep piercings to our hearts and souls of the feelings that wash over us.  We see them for what they are, feelings.  We know that they don't govern what our responses should be.  We face the conflict of how we want to act and how we know God wants us to act.  We don't allow the sufferings to endure without result.  We want the Lord to do His work within us.  We wouldn't want a lesson or a preparation to go unlearned.  We cling to Him with everything that is in us.  Staying close to His side.  Trusting His goodness.

Psalm 126

5) Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

6)  He who goes out weeping carrying seed to sow,

will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

The List

I have a list.


A list of the things that have happened in my life.  Things I have survived.  It used to be a list that represented all that I had suffered and the things that were suffocating me.  All the strikes I had against me.  


~teenage pregnancy
~handicapped child
~low self-esteem
~running away from home
~family estrangement
~cheating husband
~divorce
~missing child
~illegitimate child
~welfare
~loneliness
~unhealthy relationships
~single parenthood
~miscarriage


It doesn't represent that anymore.  It's a list of all the things I've been rescued from.  All that God has redeemed.  All the things that no longer hold me captive. 


God has taken the ugliness and made something beautiful.  He's given me a way to glorify Him through it, and in spite of it, and quite probably because of it.  He's displayed His goodness to me and how He has held me together through these things.  Now these are just a few of my stones of remembrance as I have marked the spot where I gave them over to Him and let Him make of them what He will.

What does your list look like?  Are you willing to turn it over and allow His love to change the way you feel when you read those words?

His Goodness

Are you still with me?  I'd have to say, after all the mess of the last few posts....I was almost done myself!


God is good.  Do you know this?  Do you really, down deep, in your soul, can't even think otherwise, know this?  He will take you to that place.  He's taking me.  I'm not sure how many times we will have to make this trip or what it will look like but I know He won't let me down.


In all things, having an expectation of good.  


It's for my good and His glory.


~Love~

Spring Storm or What a Difference a Day Makes!

What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the Name of the Lord.

What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone.

Psalm 28:6-7 (The Message)

Blessed be GOD-

He heard me praying.

He proved He's on my side;

I've thrown my lot in with Him.

Now I'm jumping for joy,

and shouting and singing my thanks to Him.

~So shortly after my moments of despair that I recorded here, I received a phone call from a friend.  What a saving moment that was!  A true gift from the Lord.  She asked to pray with me.  She prayed, and my heart was lifted!  Almost like the cloud had truly just risen.  

She took my hand and led me across that swaying bridge.  Over to where the party was.  And the Lord was there all along.  

My circumstances have not changed.  Everything is still as it was yesterday.  Nothing has yet to be resolved as far as we can tell.  My "worries" are still problems that I need to continue to turn over to the Lord.  But how thankful I am that He prompts me to share with dear friends who protect my heart and are willing to pray with me.  Love me.  Care for me in the darkness.

New Day, New Mercies.

It's 11:00am and it looks as if it is 7:00am!  It is so dark and "gloomy" outside.  The thunder is rolling, the rain is falling, there's a chill in the air.  Such loveliness!  I love this kind of weather.  It does not depress me, in fact, quite the opposite, it energizes and uplifts me.  Allows me to revel in moments of quietness, sipping coffee, wrapped up in warm, comfy sweats, looking outside and pondering.  This weather was made for pondering.  And comfort food.  Chicken noodle soup anyone?  Deep theological discussion over tea?  Giving God praise for His faithful provision?  

Come on over, it's a new day.  :-)