Where's My "Yes" Anyway?

I was never completely sure I was supposed to go.

Not when I was first approached by Jade at Family Camp but immediately responded with a "yes, of course I would love to go!" answer.

Not when I began a conversation with Victor weeks later saying "you know, Jade has been talking about taking a team to Uganda..." and being met with his response: "Yes, I know.  You're going."

Not while sitting quietly at our first meeting, listening to all the others tell of how they had received specific "yes'" or "no's" in regard to the trip.

Not even when we were told we would be spending time with young women who have been rescued from trafficking and prostitution-a ministry dear to my heart.

And even though I already had a passport and insurance that would cover immunizations thereby saving me in terms of the amount of funds that would need to be raised, I still wasn't convinced.

I wasn't sure I was supposed to go as I was writing my support letter and trying to piece the words together to form some coherent request for prayer and funds.

The Sunday morning, two days before our entire amount of ticket money was due, as I sat, $750.00 short of my ticket cost, pleading desperately to the Lord for Him to reveal Himself to me, I felt no peace or confirmation.  I did, however, hear "Do not tell them you won't be going.  Trust Me, it's not Tuesday yet."

Five hours later, when a check for the very amount needed was given to me by a very unexpected source with the words:  Just consider this God saying '"Yes, you're going"...I was amazed and humbled.  But not convinced.

I continued to wonder...

...even after the ticket was paid for
...when I found myself funded literally to the dollar amount needed
...when everyone else was talking excitedly
...when I was receiving blessing upon blessing by way of written Scripture and encouragement
...knowing there were so many faithful praying people here supporting us
...when I was on the bus to the airport
...as we loaded onto the plane
...holding the babies at the orphanage and praying over them
...when the girls from Kwagala Project welcomed us with great fanfare
...as we shared nightly as a team
...worshiping with Ugandan believers at Watoto Church
...meeting Uthman and being able to hug him (although that was my personal highlight!!)
...as I got to know the culture and become better acquainted with our Ugandan driver, Patrick
...after having returned home safely

There was even a moment a day or two after we arrived where I asked Jade, "What am I supposed to say when I get home?!  All of the these people will want to hear some wonderful story, and I don't have one!!"

Let me make it clear:  I wasn't doubting.  Somehow I "knew" even though I did not feel or hear a specific yes in the way I expected to receive it.

I simply did not recognize His faithfulness and provision as being the confirmation.

I see now how that confirmation came in the form of many other moments-faith steps- that when I looked back upon them as a whole quite audibly spoke yes to me.

The "yes" is visible in the changes I have undergone as a result of preparing for and taking this trip.

It is known by the simple response of "yes" to being changed.

The "yes" is the impact God continues to make on my heart as a result of this trip.

The "yes" is for the future, next, as-yet-planned trip.