Lessons from a Load of Laundry

It isn't lost on me.  The irony of this moment.  I stare down into the depths of the darkness.  The water is murky, a churning gray...already tainted with the dirt from that which is being cleaned.  The spindle with its grooves, turning, pulling down the pieces of material and pulling them under.  Each churn brings the scraps of cloth-safe as they are, contained within the safety of the encircling basket-into contact with one another as well as the agitator, practically beating the ugliness and stain right out of it.  The repeated wrenching almost feels as if it will tear the clothing asunder...but it does not.  They will emerge-one hopes??-free of stain, returned to the original unsullied state, once again like new.

I would not have seen this.  I would not have been so mesmerized.  If I weren't here.  If I weren't looking for the joy.

So much swirls around us, out there in this sin-stinking world, and if we don't look, ask to see, really want to see, we won't find the joy that is there in front of us.  The joy that resides in the activity of the seemingly mundane.

Oh, but the laundry??  Really??  How can any of that make sense of what doesn't make sense?


From the earliest point captured by memory the draw of being wife and mommy has pulled at my heart.  When I thought I lacked direction, when I thought I didn't know what I wanted to do...when I thought I didn't fit in....it was only me, not conforming to the patterns of this world.  It was only God, cementing deep within me the desire to do His bidding.

A desire that quite simply is the highest calling...

The calling to glorify Him.

When my yes is whispered to Him, He merges my desires with His plan.  When I lay down my life, when I offer up to Him all that I have and all that I am, with a willingness to do all that He asks of me, He is glorified.


Three weeks ago today a new direction for this season of my life was made known to me.  Three weeks ago today that which held me bound to the thought of doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, of doing what would make me look good to the masses, of doing what others thought I should do...was loosed.

Setting me free.

Free to be criticized, ridiculed, laughed at.  Free to do what isn't normal and isn't as freely accepted or supported by mainstream culture.

Leaving me free to do what I am supposed to do.

Free to do what God wants me to do.

Free to find joy where before I had found tedious, endless repetition.

Free to not be crushed by a crazy, over-filled schedule.

Free from being required to live up to someone else's standards of who I am supposed to be...too stressed to look for the joy under the ugliness that can be everyday life.

Free to indulge in the luxury of a load of laundry, endlessly churning, continually cleaning, making the clothes like new again.

Free to wonder anew at how I feel His calm assurance, I know and can trust the safety of His hands-hands that contain me, safely encircling me, calming me and comforting me while the agitations of this life claw at me, pulling me under.  I marvel again that while it may seem the repeated wrenching and wringing may almost tear me apart, He is my gracious Father, He brings me forth, cleansed from sin, restored, like new.

I do not have to hope that He will.  I know it to be true.

25)  I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; 

I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.  

26)  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; 

I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  

27)  And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to 

follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws.

29)  I will save you from all your uncleanness.

Ezekiel 36

1)  I love You, O LORD, my strength.

2)  The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.

He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18

This One Thing That Is My Thorn...

And just when I think the day is going splendidly well....

Did you ever have one of the "those" moments?  You know, the ones where things seem to be moving along oh-so-well only to end up with you having a meltdown...coming unglued?

If I start my day with praise, worship, and Scripture...if I don't sit down first to the mindless tasks of nothing...if I choose to look the day in its face and meet it square on...those are the days I check off as good.  Productive.  Worthwhile.  Satisfying.

Not so this day.

I wasn't prepared for the unexpected assault.  It came out of nowhere.  The one thing that will tank my mood in an instant.  The one thing that will cause me to question, to grouch, to raise a stink about life and its absurd unfairness.  That one thing doesn't really happen to be the issue, just the effect that it has on me.

And don't we all have that one thing?  And why haven't I whipped it already?  And why, why oh why, do I have to deal with this again?  How am I to be effective in ministering to anyone in any way when I can't even master this one thing?  Of what use am I, broken as I am?  Broken in spirit, broken in heart, broken...what worth lies in a broken thing?

As quick as a flash I have plunged to the depths.  I am angry and hostile.  Shaking my fist at God.  Pounding my palm with a "fix this NOW" demand.  Begging a reprieve from my inability to live up to my own standard.  

With the sweet gentleness that belongs to Him alone, He speaks softly to me.

This brokenness that must be addressed is my own death.  Death to self.  Death to my own expectation of how life should be.  Death to the very fact that this one thing may be what is asked of me to be endured.  There must be death in me so there may be life in others.  My death to self and my expectations is to be part of what they see, to encourage life in them.

This conceited thought that I don't deserve what I am facing, that I should not have to endure the trouble of this one thing that grates on me and pushes me to every last limit is the very weakness I must give over.  

What is my expectation?  That He will immediately deliver me from this that I consider hardship?  That He will completely remove any test or pressure that might conform me into the creation He has designed for me to be?

Why, yes.  Many days that is precisely my expectation.  Sadly enough.

But if I remember correctly, that defeats my entire purpose for being.  The purpose of giving Him glory.  For where is His perfect power displayed?

...only through my weakness.  

9)  But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  10)  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak....

...then I am strong.