Did you ever have one of the "those" moments? You know, the ones where things seem to be moving along oh-so-well only to end up with you having a meltdown...coming unglued?
If I start my day with praise, worship, and Scripture...if I don't sit down first to the mindless tasks of nothing...if I choose to look the day in its face and meet it square on...those are the days I check off as good. Productive. Worthwhile. Satisfying.
Not so this day.
I wasn't prepared for the unexpected assault. It came out of nowhere. The one thing that will tank my mood in an instant. The one thing that will cause me to question, to grouch, to raise a stink about life and its absurd unfairness. That one thing doesn't really happen to be the issue, just the effect that it has on me.
And don't we all have that one thing? And why haven't I whipped it already? And why, why oh why, do I have to deal with this again? How am I to be effective in ministering to anyone in any way when I can't even master this one thing? Of what use am I, broken as I am? Broken in spirit, broken in heart, broken...what worth lies in a broken thing?
As quick as a flash I have plunged to the depths. I am angry and hostile. Shaking my fist at God. Pounding my palm with a "fix this NOW" demand. Begging a reprieve from my inability to live up to my own standard.
With the sweet gentleness that belongs to Him alone, He speaks softly to me.
This brokenness that must be addressed is my own death. Death to self. Death to my own expectation of how life should be. Death to the very fact that this one thing may be what is asked of me to be endured. There must be death in me so there may be life in others. My death to self and my expectations is to be part of what they see, to encourage life in them.
This conceited thought that I don't deserve what I am facing, that I should not have to endure the trouble of this one thing that grates on me and pushes me to every last limit is the very weakness I must give over.
What is my expectation? That He will immediately deliver me from this that I consider hardship? That He will completely remove any test or pressure that might conform me into the creation He has designed for me to be?
Why, yes. Many days that is precisely my expectation. Sadly enough.
But if I remember correctly, that defeats my entire purpose for being. The purpose of giving Him glory. For where is His perfect power displayed?
...only through my weakness.
9) But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10) That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak....
...then I am strong.
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