I am hesitant. I've been burned before. I don't want to just jump carefree, headlong, with abandon out into the unknown because lately, the unknown has become the known that has hurt me. Left horrible welts on me. Cut into my heart and left scars there. Therefore, I've become skittish, unsure, not exactly eager to dive in and get slammed again. I've been crying out for healing, restoration but honestly, I haven't been the compliant patient. I haven't opened myself up to that healing. To be honest? I'm too tired to do the work anymore. It seems the minute I step out in faith, I am assailed by flying debris specifically meant to keep me from going any further. And it has worked thus far. At least the last few weeks and possibly months. I sense God calling me out, one more step, just one more....but I've plunked myself down in the middle of the path and curled up to rest. Really quite uncaring of what is happening around me, just wake me when it's finished...when it's safe...when it's no longer chaotic.
I do know there is such awesomeness on the "other side" of this. But I feel as if it's been dangled in front of me like that never-caught-up-to carrot. It's promised but I just don't have the stamina to continue on...and on....and on...and on....this particular weariness has been so pervasive, so long, so deep, so all-consuming. Just when I think it is on the way out....
This is the salve to my wounded heart:
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
28.Come to me all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
29.Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
30.For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Gentle Healer, please come to me today, accept my willing spirit, my painfully weak humanity, my strong desire for ease and transform me.
I will continue to seek rest from the Healer, Comforter, Restorer of my soul. The One who loves me beyond all that I can imagine. So thankful for His goodness and His patience today.
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