The Dark Night of the Soul

To clarify, I never thought that this would start on what seems like such a "down" note.  It just so happens that I've begun this blogging process during a season that could be considered the "dark night of the soul".  As a Christian woman, I am in a time of diligently seeking God.  He is growing me in ways that are unimaginable.  At the same time, what comes with this is a period of learning desert survival.  He is helping me to mature.  To learn to drive blind, without sensual support(a consumer mentality, a need for the "experience"), through this night of faith.  I am learning to lean on Him and Him alone.  Many times I have cried out to Him, begging for a release, for victory, for deliverance from the myriad little things that assail me.  I have not received resolution on any one thing.  Being a person that marks notes and dates in the margins, I have looked back at the notes in my Bible (I am DEEP in the Psalms!) and I have read and reread chapters where the dates are six months apart.  And how interesting that this time has come upon the heels of such a show of faithfulness!

In a post for another time, I will chronicle more of the awesome miracle that took place on October 29th of 2010.  Just to give you an idea, I located the son who had been missing for 19 years.  My son, for whom I had longed for and desired to know.  But, I've found, as God has shown His faithfulness, so He wants to grow me even MORE.

While I'd like to say I can (and am) always looking to Him and trusting Him, I vacillate between understanding why this is happening, and being thankful for it, to desperately wanting delivered and to being many months past this season.  He has a purpose for me and for this and I don't want to leave here without learning what it is He has for me to learn.

I think the thing is, we don't always talk about this time as Christians.  How when we are seeking His face there are times when it is tough.  Being a servant of God is not always a hunky-dory experience.  Really, REALLY seeking Him, we find that our hearts do break, and we get a better glimpse of what it is for Him as His heart breaks for His children.  He doesn't want our suffering any more than we do but choices have been made that make suffering inevitable.  And the sweet beauty of it is that it brings us that much closer to Him.  When my heart aches because I have loved ones that don't know Him, that is a good kind of hurt.  When my heart is breaking for the injustice that I see perpetrated daily in our world, that is the right kind of hurt.  It shows that my heart is becoming more like His.