In one of my many conversations with the Lord today, I begged.
I pleaded.
I cried out.
I implored.
I practically demanded.
The breath that my body demands, the breath that refuses to come. The suffocating feeling. The gasping. The body-aching, the chest-clutching need for breath. Required for life, an absolute must-have.
Just out of reach. So close, yet so far.
To describe the panic, distress, hunger...the desperate hunger that comes with the inability to attain it is impossible. It is simply indescribable.
So I cry out. Beg the Lord to release me.
"I can be more effective in speaking for You, Lord, but I want release from this struggle."
And in the middle of my prayer, before relief comes, He speaks to me, and I hear Him.
It's because of my trust in Him during my struggle, the very knowledge and faith I have that He can release me that is my testimony. It's because of the struggle I have a story to tell.
In my desperate clutching for breath, I am crying out to Him in every moment. Relying on Him. Trusting Him. My need for Him is revealed in my inability to help myself.
He is gracious to meet that need.
...but I anticipate that the time has not yet come to be released from this particular weakness.
So, while I wait for Him to deliver me, and even if He does not, I will give thanks for being broken.
Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.
Showing posts with label God Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God Lessons. Show all posts
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Sunday, July 24, 2011
First Night
The deluge has caused everyone to run in from outside. From my vantage point, up on the stage behind the gentleman speaking, I have a great opportunity to watch them.
It is with laughter and joy that they filter in.
God, creating reason for us all to be squished together so closely in community. Forcing us together when we have chosen our own respective comfort zones apart from one another.
We are at camp meeting. It is so very hot up here where I am but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The view that I have from my seat is amazing. So many people, in the heat, on hard benches, listening to how the Lord is working in lives, in hearts, in the camp.
When we are finished and it is time for the choir to brave the rain and make their way to their seats, I find mine. At the very back, the very.last.row. Husband is waiting patiently. I wonder if we will be able to concentrate on the message. So many distractions there. But it causes me to realize that God meets me even in the very back. Wherever I am.
He is there.
It is with laughter and joy that they filter in.
God, creating reason for us all to be squished together so closely in community. Forcing us together when we have chosen our own respective comfort zones apart from one another.
We are at camp meeting. It is so very hot up here where I am but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The view that I have from my seat is amazing. So many people, in the heat, on hard benches, listening to how the Lord is working in lives, in hearts, in the camp.
When we are finished and it is time for the choir to brave the rain and make their way to their seats, I find mine. At the very back, the very.last.row. Husband is waiting patiently. I wonder if we will be able to concentrate on the message. So many distractions there. But it causes me to realize that God meets me even in the very back. Wherever I am.
He is there.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
With Me
Heard this wonderful little bit in a sermon today....struck me hard, haven't been able to shake it so instead, I will share it.
Exodus 3:11-12
Picture this: the Israelites are in bondage in Egypt. Moses is now a grown man with a wife and son. He's assuming he is to settle in Midian, this land that is foreign to him. But God hears the cries of the Israelites in their slavery. He remembers His covenant with them. He is concerned about them. God has chosen Moses to lead them out of their bondage. He appears to Moses in a burning bush. He speaks to Moses, telling him that He is sending him to Pharaoh to bring the Israelites out of Egypt.
What is Moses' response?
"Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
And God said, " I will be with you."
Did you see what happened there? God didn't build Moses up. He didn't say, "You can do this!" or " I believe in you!" He didn't tell Moses what a great guy he was or how wonderful he was. He didn't reflect on what a good father or husband he happened to be. He did nothing to build up Moses' self-esteem. He didn't respond with flowery speeches meant to motivate Moses into setting out on this mission with fervor.
"I will be with you."
Oh my. Isn't that really all we need?
When I say to God,
"Who am I, that I should be qualified to do this?"
"Who am I, that I should do this?"
"Who am I, that I should want to do this?"
"Who am I, that I could be of any help?"
"Who am I, that anyone will listen?"
"Who am I, that I could make a difference?"
"Who am I, that anyone will care?"
God replies simply,
"I will be with you."
He will be with me.
I find it unimaginably wonderful that He will be with me. I won't be doing this alone. Actually, I won't really be doing it at all, I will simply be the vessel through which He works.
As a side note: this didn't end Moses' questioning. You can read all about it yourself as you follow through Exodus. But God was good then to Moses, and He is good to me here and now. He will be good to the future generations and one day, one day, we will all dance and sing together with Him in our midst at the wedding supper of the Lamb.
Praise Jesus. He is with us.
Exodus 3:11-12
Picture this: the Israelites are in bondage in Egypt. Moses is now a grown man with a wife and son. He's assuming he is to settle in Midian, this land that is foreign to him. But God hears the cries of the Israelites in their slavery. He remembers His covenant with them. He is concerned about them. God has chosen Moses to lead them out of their bondage. He appears to Moses in a burning bush. He speaks to Moses, telling him that He is sending him to Pharaoh to bring the Israelites out of Egypt.
What is Moses' response?
"Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
And God said, " I will be with you."
Did you see what happened there? God didn't build Moses up. He didn't say, "You can do this!" or " I believe in you!" He didn't tell Moses what a great guy he was or how wonderful he was. He didn't reflect on what a good father or husband he happened to be. He did nothing to build up Moses' self-esteem. He didn't respond with flowery speeches meant to motivate Moses into setting out on this mission with fervor.
"I will be with you."
Oh my. Isn't that really all we need?
When I say to God,
"Who am I, that I should be qualified to do this?"
"Who am I, that I should do this?"
"Who am I, that I should want to do this?"
"Who am I, that I could be of any help?"
"Who am I, that anyone will listen?"
"Who am I, that I could make a difference?"
"Who am I, that anyone will care?"
God replies simply,
"I will be with you."
He will be with me.
I find it unimaginably wonderful that He will be with me. I won't be doing this alone. Actually, I won't really be doing it at all, I will simply be the vessel through which He works.
As a side note: this didn't end Moses' questioning. You can read all about it yourself as you follow through Exodus. But God was good then to Moses, and He is good to me here and now. He will be good to the future generations and one day, one day, we will all dance and sing together with Him in our midst at the wedding supper of the Lamb.
Praise Jesus. He is with us.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Sweetness of God
I saw this blog post via a friend. LOVE IT. Cannot, absolutely canNOT say it any better than this. So, so thankful to my wonderful husband for allowing me to (and wanting me to even!) stay home with my babes. I have two older children that I was unable to stay home with in their younger years. I've been SO gifted to have spent my younger two children's lives at home with them. And another cool thing?! Just the other day, my husband said to me: " I find that I still want you to be home when our children come home from school. I still don't want you working outside the home." YAY! Blessing upon blessing heaped upon this mother's heart!
Now to really live out God's calling upon my heart.
Wife.
Mother.
God-fearing woman.
My assignment does not meet up with my ability but God CAN. And God WILL. He equips those who seek His calling. He is changing me-daily. Sometimes I don't find it so pleasant. (I mean seriously, have you been following this blog or what?!) But His grace is sufficient and He is so good. I'm thankful for His patience and His mercy. He is whittling away the outer layers that hide the "me" He is revealing underneath. I do like her better. Hopefully, she is beginning to look a lot more like Him. :-)
~Blessings~
Now to really live out God's calling upon my heart.
Wife.
Mother.
God-fearing woman.
My assignment does not meet up with my ability but God CAN. And God WILL. He equips those who seek His calling. He is changing me-daily. Sometimes I don't find it so pleasant. (I mean seriously, have you been following this blog or what?!) But His grace is sufficient and He is so good. I'm thankful for His patience and His mercy. He is whittling away the outer layers that hide the "me" He is revealing underneath. I do like her better. Hopefully, she is beginning to look a lot more like Him. :-)
~Blessings~
New Joy
Today God has gifted me with an intense rush of the "feel-it" kind of joy.
He has lifted my face from the floor where it has been and He has set a smile upon my face. He is good. And while I have known this intellectually, today, I know this in a visceral way. He is just good.
His sweet presence is enough.
Knowing He holds my world in His hands is enough.
Knowing I don't need anything but Him is enough.
He is good.
...and that's enough.
Loving Him so much more today than I did yesterday!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday Joy
So thankful for the way God romances me. He loves my heart and my soul and longs to sweep me off my feet. It's time to simply fall into it and let Him whisk me away to that place of comfort, healing, restoration, and joy.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Joy
JOY = trusting the Lord in all things and having full confidence of salvation through Christ.
I suppose I have always imagined joy to look different. Somehow, even though I know that joy does not equate with happiness, I have imagined it to look like happiness. That must be where the breakdown is. I've always pictured a smiling face, a laugh, a warm feeling.
Ahhhh, but joy IS those things. When I see it as He sees it. I CAN smile, laugh and have warm feelings, knowing all the while that I can trust the Lord in ALL things and that I will one day dance with Him in heaven. The world and it's chaos may swirl around me but I can have a sense of peace and assurance (read: JOY!) that grips my heart and doesn't let me down.
He upholds me with His mighty, righteous right hand!
I suppose I have always imagined joy to look different. Somehow, even though I know that joy does not equate with happiness, I have imagined it to look like happiness. That must be where the breakdown is. I've always pictured a smiling face, a laugh, a warm feeling.
Ahhhh, but joy IS those things. When I see it as He sees it. I CAN smile, laugh and have warm feelings, knowing all the while that I can trust the Lord in ALL things and that I will one day dance with Him in heaven. The world and it's chaos may swirl around me but I can have a sense of peace and assurance (read: JOY!) that grips my heart and doesn't let me down.
He upholds me with His mighty, righteous right hand!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Dark Night of the Soul
To clarify, I never thought that this would start on what seems like such a "down" note. It just so happens that I've begun this blogging process during a season that could be considered the "dark night of the soul". As a Christian woman, I am in a time of diligently seeking God. He is growing me in ways that are unimaginable. At the same time, what comes with this is a period of learning desert survival. He is helping me to mature. To learn to drive blind, without sensual support(a consumer mentality, a need for the "experience"), through this night of faith. I am learning to lean on Him and Him alone. Many times I have cried out to Him, begging for a release, for victory, for deliverance from the myriad little things that assail me. I have not received resolution on any one thing. Being a person that marks notes and dates in the margins, I have looked back at the notes in my Bible (I am DEEP in the Psalms!) and I have read and reread chapters where the dates are six months apart. And how interesting that this time has come upon the heels of such a show of faithfulness!
In a post for another time, I will chronicle more of the awesome miracle that took place on October 29th of 2010. Just to give you an idea, I located the son who had been missing for 19 years. My son, for whom I had longed for and desired to know. But, I've found, as God has shown His faithfulness, so He wants to grow me even MORE.
While I'd like to say I can (and am) always looking to Him and trusting Him, I vacillate between understanding why this is happening, and being thankful for it, to desperately wanting delivered and to being many months past this season. He has a purpose for me and for this and I don't want to leave here without learning what it is He has for me to learn.
I think the thing is, we don't always talk about this time as Christians. How when we are seeking His face there are times when it is tough. Being a servant of God is not always a hunky-dory experience. Really, REALLY seeking Him, we find that our hearts do break, and we get a better glimpse of what it is for Him as His heart breaks for His children. He doesn't want our suffering any more than we do but choices have been made that make suffering inevitable. And the sweet beauty of it is that it brings us that much closer to Him. When my heart aches because I have loved ones that don't know Him, that is a good kind of hurt. When my heart is breaking for the injustice that I see perpetrated daily in our world, that is the right kind of hurt. It shows that my heart is becoming more like His.
In a post for another time, I will chronicle more of the awesome miracle that took place on October 29th of 2010. Just to give you an idea, I located the son who had been missing for 19 years. My son, for whom I had longed for and desired to know. But, I've found, as God has shown His faithfulness, so He wants to grow me even MORE.
While I'd like to say I can (and am) always looking to Him and trusting Him, I vacillate between understanding why this is happening, and being thankful for it, to desperately wanting delivered and to being many months past this season. He has a purpose for me and for this and I don't want to leave here without learning what it is He has for me to learn.
I think the thing is, we don't always talk about this time as Christians. How when we are seeking His face there are times when it is tough. Being a servant of God is not always a hunky-dory experience. Really, REALLY seeking Him, we find that our hearts do break, and we get a better glimpse of what it is for Him as His heart breaks for His children. He doesn't want our suffering any more than we do but choices have been made that make suffering inevitable. And the sweet beauty of it is that it brings us that much closer to Him. When my heart aches because I have loved ones that don't know Him, that is a good kind of hurt. When my heart is breaking for the injustice that I see perpetrated daily in our world, that is the right kind of hurt. It shows that my heart is becoming more like His.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Treading Water
I'm not sure where I am today. I feel adrift in this huge....vastness?....that is life. Treading the water that seems unending. So very tired. But one thing I know, God is with me here. I am not alone. He doesn't do that. In fact, this is the testing of my faith that strengthens it. I understand my desperate need of Him. I am not afraid of this time, although it seems to be so long.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
A Day Redeemed
Oh.My.Word.
This Saturday morning sure didn't start out as I would have liked!
On a day when I planned to make a loaf of beer bread and possibly a cheesecake and eat them entirely on my own and after a week where my frustration was high, I was short-tempered at work, too tired to motivate myself to accomplish anything on my to-do list, the fridge froze over, the air-conditioner was (and still is!) spewing water (happens EVERY stinking spring season GRRRR...), the laundry is piled high, and I was awakened 3 times from sleep earlier than I wanted to be this morning, I made the decision to be grouchy. :-/ After a nasty fit (Elli's), a soaking as I was cleaning out the air-unit hose, and a silly handwashing with an herbal soap that set off my asthma, I needed a break.
Frankly, I was just being selfish. I didn't want to be home, alone, without a car, with a screaming 6 year old and a screaming headache on a Saturday. I wanted to be angry that my life did not look the way I wanted it to look this morning. Bad call. But then I made a good choice.
Music is the sweet sound of my life! If there's anything I love, it's music.
Elli and I decided we would regroup. Get some youtube going and listen to some of our favorite songs.
One of them happened to be this one:
We were getting ourselves ready to do some nails. You know, some girly things. As we sat and I was taking off Elli's old polish, she began to chat with me. She wants to adopt, not one, but FIVE of those sweet little faces from the video! I think God may be calling her heart to adopt. Or to be a missionary! But in some way, to help others. She also asked me about Jesus. How can He just touch someone, mom, and then they are healed?"
What a sweet time of talk.
What an open door to listen to her heart.
To even glimpse into the future and realize we won't always have the precious moments of time alone together.
To rest and know the He is God, He is good, and He wants me to step back and not be hurried or discouraged.
What a blessing to be a mommy, and especially, to be her mommy.
What a joy to know that He can take a day that capped off a week that was less than lovely and redeem it. He puts it into perspective and shines His light through it to reveal it's real purpose. I'm thankful for His refining that is always done in love, for His purposes and His glory.
I'm so thankful that by looking to Him, He changed our day around. His word restores hope in my heart, His love welcomes me, His grace accepts my weaknesses and His mercy forgives my ugliness.
This Saturday morning sure didn't start out as I would have liked!
On a day when I planned to make a loaf of beer bread and possibly a cheesecake and eat them entirely on my own and after a week where my frustration was high, I was short-tempered at work, too tired to motivate myself to accomplish anything on my to-do list, the fridge froze over, the air-conditioner was (and still is!) spewing water (happens EVERY stinking spring season GRRRR...), the laundry is piled high, and I was awakened 3 times from sleep earlier than I wanted to be this morning, I made the decision to be grouchy. :-/ After a nasty fit (Elli's), a soaking as I was cleaning out the air-unit hose, and a silly handwashing with an herbal soap that set off my asthma, I needed a break.
Frankly, I was just being selfish. I didn't want to be home, alone, without a car, with a screaming 6 year old and a screaming headache on a Saturday. I wanted to be angry that my life did not look the way I wanted it to look this morning. Bad call. But then I made a good choice.
Music is the sweet sound of my life! If there's anything I love, it's music.
Elli and I decided we would regroup. Get some youtube going and listen to some of our favorite songs.
One of them happened to be this one:
~Before you listen, pause the player at the bottom of the blog~
We were getting ourselves ready to do some nails. You know, some girly things. As we sat and I was taking off Elli's old polish, she began to chat with me. She wants to adopt, not one, but FIVE of those sweet little faces from the video! I think God may be calling her heart to adopt. Or to be a missionary! But in some way, to help others. She also asked me about Jesus. How can He just touch someone, mom, and then they are healed?"
What a sweet time of talk.
What an open door to listen to her heart.
To even glimpse into the future and realize we won't always have the precious moments of time alone together.
To rest and know the He is God, He is good, and He wants me to step back and not be hurried or discouraged.
What a blessing to be a mommy, and especially, to be her mommy.
What a joy to know that He can take a day that capped off a week that was less than lovely and redeem it. He puts it into perspective and shines His light through it to reveal it's real purpose. I'm thankful for His refining that is always done in love, for His purposes and His glory.
I'm so thankful that by looking to Him, He changed our day around. His word restores hope in my heart, His love welcomes me, His grace accepts my weaknesses and His mercy forgives my ugliness.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Necessary Changes...
Are you willing to make the necessary changes in your life that would align your activities and desires with God's will?
Have you really contemplated what a life "well-lived" looks like and what it takes to get there?
Do you desire more of God and His direction?
Change is something that just doesn't come easily to anyone. I don't know of anyone who doesn't need some amount, however small, of familiarity and security. It's a tangible way of feeling as if we have some measure of control over our lives.
I have been challenged these last many weeks to consider God's plan for my life. What effect He wants me to have and where. What His priorities are for my life. I have listed out an inventory of my time. Sobering to be sure, but liberating as well. There are many things that while I thought they were insignificant or even inappropriate ways to spend my time, the Lord encouraged and even blessed!
I would encourage you to take a good look at where you spend your time. To the hour. Lay it before the Lord and let Him prune where He feels necessary. Let Him speak to your heart about the changes that need to be made. Where He asks for change, His grace and strength are abundant.
Only after seeking Him are we able to live, really live, the life He is calling us to.
Have you really contemplated what a life "well-lived" looks like and what it takes to get there?
Do you desire more of God and His direction?
Change is something that just doesn't come easily to anyone. I don't know of anyone who doesn't need some amount, however small, of familiarity and security. It's a tangible way of feeling as if we have some measure of control over our lives.
I have been challenged these last many weeks to consider God's plan for my life. What effect He wants me to have and where. What His priorities are for my life. I have listed out an inventory of my time. Sobering to be sure, but liberating as well. There are many things that while I thought they were insignificant or even inappropriate ways to spend my time, the Lord encouraged and even blessed!
I would encourage you to take a good look at where you spend your time. To the hour. Lay it before the Lord and let Him prune where He feels necessary. Let Him speak to your heart about the changes that need to be made. Where He asks for change, His grace and strength are abundant.
Only after seeking Him are we able to live, really live, the life He is calling us to.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Relating...
I seem to relate so well to David (of Biblical fame!). I can definitely understand the ups and downs of his emotions. What a blessing to be able to follow him and his life through Scripture! One thing I can attest to is that God is never boring. Never bland. Never so-so. I may go through periods where I am, but He never fails to be amazing.
I just finished a book by Gary Thomas (one of my favorite authors!!) called "Thirsting for God". It is one incredible read! It is such great encouragement and refreshment for this walk with the Lord that I am on. I highly recommend it.
Now I am beginning a Beth Moore study that will take me through the summer. It is her "Breaking Free" study. I am ambivalent as I have just been wading through a time of intense faith scrutiny and this promises to be every bit as intense. But I trust the Author, the author, and the ladies who will be joining me in this.
More later on our first lesson but for now, blessings to you!
I just finished a book by Gary Thomas (one of my favorite authors!!) called "Thirsting for God". It is one incredible read! It is such great encouragement and refreshment for this walk with the Lord that I am on. I highly recommend it.
Now I am beginning a Beth Moore study that will take me through the summer. It is her "Breaking Free" study. I am ambivalent as I have just been wading through a time of intense faith scrutiny and this promises to be every bit as intense. But I trust the Author, the author, and the ladies who will be joining me in this.
More later on our first lesson but for now, blessings to you!
Monday, May 2, 2011
It seems like so long, and yet I know it hasn't been! I've been in my own mind for so many days lately, pretty sure I don't even know where to begin.
It feels like I'm in a resting state except that I feel numb and unmoved by things. And I am still a bit antsy. Waiting for that next thing? Just weary? Unable to focus? Not sure what to call it or what this place is...more desert perhaps? Just the empty kind?
I was considering how just a very few days ago, I was feeling so awful, my heart was hurting deeply and my soul was longing for some relief. I felt the presence of the Lord so strong near me. I know He isn't gone now. I can just no longer rely on how I feel.
I also find it interesting that at one point I was almost desiring the suffering to this....apathy. One thing is for sure, the suffering sure kept me close to the Lord. Now, the part of the lesson that must be learned, to continue to seek Him when I don't feel Him and even when I am weary.
The flux of emotions is continual causing me to learn to navigate them. They will not cease and they must not dictate who I am and how I respond. This is where the necessity of habits and rituals are so critically valuable. When I am constant in my seeking of the Lord, when I continue in His Word and follow after Him, rather than just sit in the middle of the path, I am learning to not rely on only my feelings. He is so good to allow us the "experience" of His joy and presence but real faith comes in knowing and trusting that He is there even when we don't feel that He is.
What an awesome God we serve!
It feels like I'm in a resting state except that I feel numb and unmoved by things. And I am still a bit antsy. Waiting for that next thing? Just weary? Unable to focus? Not sure what to call it or what this place is...more desert perhaps? Just the empty kind?
I was considering how just a very few days ago, I was feeling so awful, my heart was hurting deeply and my soul was longing for some relief. I felt the presence of the Lord so strong near me. I know He isn't gone now. I can just no longer rely on how I feel.
Consider our spiritual feelings the way we check the daily weather forecast. The weather can make our work more pleasant or more difficult, but it should never define our task. Likewise, feelings may make our spiritual lives easier or harder, but they should never direct our devotion.
We must avoid the trap of equating good worship with good feelings.Gary Thomas Thirsting for God
I also find it interesting that at one point I was almost desiring the suffering to this....apathy. One thing is for sure, the suffering sure kept me close to the Lord. Now, the part of the lesson that must be learned, to continue to seek Him when I don't feel Him and even when I am weary.
The flux of emotions is continual causing me to learn to navigate them. They will not cease and they must not dictate who I am and how I respond. This is where the necessity of habits and rituals are so critically valuable. When I am constant in my seeking of the Lord, when I continue in His Word and follow after Him, rather than just sit in the middle of the path, I am learning to not rely on only my feelings. He is so good to allow us the "experience" of His joy and presence but real faith comes in knowing and trusting that He is there even when we don't feel that He is.
What an awesome God we serve!
Sing to the LORD, all the earth;
proclaim His salvation day after day.
Declare His glory among the nations,
His marvelous deeds among all peoples.
For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
He is to be feared above all gods.
1 Chronicles 16:23-25
Friday, April 15, 2011
The List
I have a list.
A list of the things that have happened in my life. Things I have survived. It used to be a list that represented all that I had suffered and the things that were suffocating me. All the strikes I had against me.
~teenage pregnancy
~handicapped child
~low self-esteem
~running away from home
~family estrangement
~cheating husband
~divorce
~missing child
~illegitimate child
~welfare
~loneliness
~unhealthy relationships
~single parenthood
~miscarriage
It doesn't represent that anymore. It's a list of all the things I've been rescued from. All that God has redeemed. All the things that no longer hold me captive.
God has taken the ugliness and made something beautiful. He's given me a way to glorify Him through it, and in spite of it, and quite probably because of it. He's displayed His goodness to me and how He has held me together through these things. Now these are just a few of my stones of remembrance as I have marked the spot where I gave them over to Him and let Him make of them what He will.
What does your list look like? Are you willing to turn it over and allow His love to change the way you feel when you read those words?
A list of the things that have happened in my life. Things I have survived. It used to be a list that represented all that I had suffered and the things that were suffocating me. All the strikes I had against me.
~teenage pregnancy
~handicapped child
~low self-esteem
~running away from home
~family estrangement
~cheating husband
~divorce
~missing child
~illegitimate child
~welfare
~loneliness
~unhealthy relationships
~single parenthood
~miscarriage
It doesn't represent that anymore. It's a list of all the things I've been rescued from. All that God has redeemed. All the things that no longer hold me captive.
God has taken the ugliness and made something beautiful. He's given me a way to glorify Him through it, and in spite of it, and quite probably because of it. He's displayed His goodness to me and how He has held me together through these things. Now these are just a few of my stones of remembrance as I have marked the spot where I gave them over to Him and let Him make of them what He will.
What does your list look like? Are you willing to turn it over and allow His love to change the way you feel when you read those words?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
His Goodness
Are you still with me? I'd have to say, after all the mess of the last few posts....I was almost done myself!
God is good. Do you know this? Do you really, down deep, in your soul, can't even think otherwise, know this? He will take you to that place. He's taking me. I'm not sure how many times we will have to make this trip or what it will look like but I know He won't let me down.
In all things, having an expectation of good.
It's for my good and His glory.
~Love~
God is good. Do you know this? Do you really, down deep, in your soul, can't even think otherwise, know this? He will take you to that place. He's taking me. I'm not sure how many times we will have to make this trip or what it will look like but I know He won't let me down.
In all things, having an expectation of good.
It's for my good and His glory.
~Love~
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Spring Storm or What a Difference a Day Makes!
What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the Name of the Lord.
What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone.
Psalm 28:6-7 (The Message)
Blessed be GOD-
He heard me praying.
He proved He's on my side;
I've thrown my lot in with Him.
Now I'm jumping for joy,
and shouting and singing my thanks to Him.
~So shortly after my moments of despair that I recorded here, I received a phone call from a friend. What a saving moment that was! A true gift from the Lord. She asked to pray with me. She prayed, and my heart was lifted! Almost like the cloud had truly just risen.
She took my hand and led me across that swaying bridge. Over to where the party was. And the Lord was there all along.
My circumstances have not changed. Everything is still as it was yesterday. Nothing has yet to be resolved as far as we can tell. My "worries" are still problems that I need to continue to turn over to the Lord. But how thankful I am that He prompts me to share with dear friends who protect my heart and are willing to pray with me. Love me. Care for me in the darkness.
New Day, New Mercies.
It's 11:00am and it looks as if it is 7:00am! It is so dark and "gloomy" outside. The thunder is rolling, the rain is falling, there's a chill in the air. Such loveliness! I love this kind of weather. It does not depress me, in fact, quite the opposite, it energizes and uplifts me. Allows me to revel in moments of quietness, sipping coffee, wrapped up in warm, comfy sweats, looking outside and pondering. This weather was made for pondering. And comfort food. Chicken noodle soup anyone? Deep theological discussion over tea? Giving God praise for His faithful provision?
Come on over, it's a new day. :-)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Whatever It Takes....?
Many months ago, I began praying specifically about the salvation of a particular family member. I spoke with God and released to Him this promise: Whatever it takes.
We are now coming to understand the "whatever it takes". Had I known then what I know now...
I can't even begin to let you in on all that is going on in our lives, but suffice it to say, we are facing spiritual, physical, emotional and financial dilemmas like none I have ever known. I feel as if we have been in the dark for the past 6 months. And yet, not oppressive darkness, but a protective darkness. I feel and sense His presence in ways that are unexplainable. I know He is with me. He is doing a work, and I am able to see where He has been.
A month or so ago, I read this post by a dear sister. It speaks to my heart even this minute. She means so much to me. The Lord has used her in ways she probably isn't even aware of. He has gifted me with quite a few dear, close, wonderful women who love Him and love me as well. What blessings to me!
He is the Giver of all good things.
Today I am prepared to allow Him to work in me and keep the refining flame close. I don't wish to have all that is being used to change me removed or my circumstances changed (although the relief of a few would be sweet!) but to be pliant and mold-able into that which He wants me to become.
We are now coming to understand the "whatever it takes". Had I known then what I know now...
I can't even begin to let you in on all that is going on in our lives, but suffice it to say, we are facing spiritual, physical, emotional and financial dilemmas like none I have ever known. I feel as if we have been in the dark for the past 6 months. And yet, not oppressive darkness, but a protective darkness. I feel and sense His presence in ways that are unexplainable. I know He is with me. He is doing a work, and I am able to see where He has been.
A month or so ago, I read this post by a dear sister. It speaks to my heart even this minute. She means so much to me. The Lord has used her in ways she probably isn't even aware of. He has gifted me with quite a few dear, close, wonderful women who love Him and love me as well. What blessings to me!
He is the Giver of all good things.
Today I am prepared to allow Him to work in me and keep the refining flame close. I don't wish to have all that is being used to change me removed or my circumstances changed (although the relief of a few would be sweet!) but to be pliant and mold-able into that which He wants me to become.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Glorified
The process of allowing God to be glorified in my life is difficult at best. As I thought of those words this evening, while worshiping with all of Horizon, I was overwhelmed by what that means.
Death.
Death to self and how I want it to be. What I want it to look like. It's about what God wants my life to look like. I really do want Him to be glorified, but that means making choices that don't usually jive with how I feel and how I want to respond. But slowly, slowly (all on my part!) He is teaching me to WANT to want to make the right choices. The choices He has for me. And the amazing thing about all of this? When I finally release it, finally let go, finally trust Him to do the great thing I know He's going to do with whatever it is I'm struggling with, He amazes me. Blows me away.
And I'm always surprised. Go figure. Guess it's a good thing to never stop being amazed, eh?
Death.
Death to self and how I want it to be. What I want it to look like. It's about what God wants my life to look like. I really do want Him to be glorified, but that means making choices that don't usually jive with how I feel and how I want to respond. But slowly, slowly (all on my part!) He is teaching me to WANT to want to make the right choices. The choices He has for me. And the amazing thing about all of this? When I finally release it, finally let go, finally trust Him to do the great thing I know He's going to do with whatever it is I'm struggling with, He amazes me. Blows me away.
And I'm always surprised. Go figure. Guess it's a good thing to never stop being amazed, eh?
Saturday, April 2, 2011
What does life mean to you?
I saw a question today, posted in someone's status on Facebook.
What does life mean to you?
Do YOU have an answer? I'd be interested to know. I know what life means to me. More today than any other day I've ever been alive. I feel Him working in me. I am aware of the constant struggle, His desire to shape my soul, my desire to remain the selfish sinner I am.
It's difficult to be introspective and try to figure out what you feel about certain things. Taking a magnifying glass to your own heart and life mean that you become accountable and are faced with the inevitability of some aspect needing to change.
And the change is hard. Painful. Can be long. Can suck the wind from your sails. Can leave you breathless and wondering what all this change is about anyway. And then, there's this issue of what lies on the other side of this change. Is it for better? Or will my heart ache, will my spirit be quenched, will my passion suffer?
When we know and understand how He purposes events and change in our lives, only then do we understand the process better. We may progress from a total unwillingness, perhaps to resignation, and finally, to acceptance that is joyful and desired.
What does life mean to you?
Do YOU have an answer? I'd be interested to know. I know what life means to me. More today than any other day I've ever been alive. I feel Him working in me. I am aware of the constant struggle, His desire to shape my soul, my desire to remain the selfish sinner I am.
It's difficult to be introspective and try to figure out what you feel about certain things. Taking a magnifying glass to your own heart and life mean that you become accountable and are faced with the inevitability of some aspect needing to change.
And the change is hard. Painful. Can be long. Can suck the wind from your sails. Can leave you breathless and wondering what all this change is about anyway. And then, there's this issue of what lies on the other side of this change. Is it for better? Or will my heart ache, will my spirit be quenched, will my passion suffer?
When we know and understand how He purposes events and change in our lives, only then do we understand the process better. We may progress from a total unwillingness, perhaps to resignation, and finally, to acceptance that is joyful and desired.
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