It seems like so long, and yet I know it hasn't been!  I've been in my own mind for so many days lately, pretty sure I don't even know where to begin.

It feels like I'm in a resting state except that I feel numb and unmoved by things.  And I am still a bit antsy.  Waiting for that next thing?  Just weary?  Unable to focus?  Not sure what to call it or what this place is...more desert perhaps?  Just the empty kind?

I was considering how just a very few days ago, I was feeling so awful, my heart was hurting deeply and my soul was longing for some relief.  I felt the presence of the Lord so strong near me.  I know He isn't gone now.  I can just no longer rely on how I feel.

Consider our spiritual feelings the way we check the daily weather forecast.  The weather can make our work more pleasant or more difficult, but it should never define our task.  Likewise, feelings may make our spiritual lives easier or harder, but they should never direct our devotion.

We must avoid the trap of equating good worship with good feelings.

                                                                                                               Gary Thomas Thirsting for God


I also find it interesting that at one point I was almost desiring the suffering to this....apathy.  One thing is for sure, the suffering sure kept me close to the Lord.  Now, the part of the lesson that must be learned, to continue to seek Him when I don't feel Him and even when I am weary.


The flux of emotions is continual causing me to learn to navigate them.  They will not cease and they must not dictate who I am and how I respond.  This is where the necessity of habits and rituals are so critically valuable.  When I am constant in my seeking of the Lord, when I continue in His Word and follow after Him, rather than just sit in the middle of the path, I am learning to not rely on only my feelings.  He is so good to allow us the "experience" of His joy and presence but real faith comes in knowing and trusting that He is there even when we don't feel that He is.

What an awesome God we serve!

Sing to the LORD, all the earth;

proclaim His salvation day after day.

Declare His glory among the nations,

His marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;

He is to be feared above all gods.

1 Chronicles 16:23-25